I don’t mean to start this post in a negative manner.  It’s just that despite our best efforts, life comes with many disappointing failures.  You’ve either probably experienced it in the past or are in it right now.  No matter what you do, you keep coming in second or third place.

To get to the peaks, you must traverse the valleys.  That’s just how it is.  Fighting it will only leave you disenchanted, discouraged and grumpy. 

Trust me; I know!  You see, I can speak about this with such clarity because I have walked it so intensely. 

As my regular readership will recall, Competition is my #2 Strength as defined by the CliftonStrengths Finder assessment.  It’s a phenomenal attribute to have if you’re in a business development role.  However, it can be quite annoying because I hate to lose.  In fact, I previously would take myself out of the game if I didn’t see a clear path to the win.

It wasn’t until later in my career that I learned this about myself.  Prior to that, “the General” (that’s what I call the voice in my head that drives and commands me) just kept pushing me — all else be damned.  By applying self-awareness and observing external factors, I am now able to see that the failed attempts are little blessings in disguise. 

Here are some lessons that I have been able to deduct:

1. We can’t win everything all the time. If we did, then our service offering/product would become a dinosaur, lack innovation/evolution and so become extinct. We need the losses to drive us to excellence and expand our thinking, advancing our industries.

2. We don’t want to win everything all the time. There are just some clients, positions, etc., that aren’t a good fit for us or we’re not a good fit for them. We must trust that the universe is taking care of us when we aren’t successful on an opportunity. The sun will come out tomorrow and will provide another opportunity for us to serve IF we are open to it.

Remember:  It’s not about us; we must extract our egos and inhabit a goal of advancing others.  Only then will we become successful.  Our clients can feel the authenticity in our desire to be a resource to them versus if we show up in a self-serving capacity.

I’ve often said that there is no drug in the world that could possibly give me the high that I get when I win a new project.  I still feel that way.  It’s just that I don’t let the lows of the failures linger as long or stick to me as often.

How do you deal with your losses?  Do you carry them as scars or learn from them and allow them to make you better?

If you’d like to discuss this or other topics, then please contact me at dlandry@authentizity.com. 

— Dawn F. Landry